motherfuckin' squids

scary. look at the guy they just found. it's kinda gross, and he's kinda dead, but you get the idea. this is the collosal squid. at least 10 metres longer than his cuz the giant squid. and apparently more aggressive. they've found dead sperm whales washed ashore that have been mauled by this badass. AAAAAND, the kicker. they hang out close to the water's surface (unlike giant squids) in the antarctica. AAAAAAAAAAND the melting of the polar ice caps is moving them south. no more kayaking in lake ontario kiddies. (i may or may not have made that last part up. whatevs.)

then there's this little god contradictor. atta boy. fish with hands. anti-darwinists who challenge his theories based on the supposed 'missing link' are barking up the wrong tree with the sasquatch/yeti idea. FISH WITH HANDS! FISH WITH HANDS! they caught this guy in paraguay, and it's called a knifenose chimera. so these fisherwhores catch it, set it on the ground and it decides it doesn't like being caught, gets up and walks back into the water. ahahahhaha lol lol lol lol. take that, popa benedictzao.

smallville. i don't remember much of it from last night, but i know it musta been good enough to merit two bottles of delicious red wine. i think that clarke found out about lex n' lana, and then had to save lex's life or something. AWKWARD. chloe didn't hack into the department of national defence to see if iraq had weapons of mass destruction, so i was a little dissappointed with that.

still sick.

beer

i'm sick. when i get sick, i sleep a lot and drink a lot of beer. it seems to work. i think it's been scientifically proven that there's something in beer that kills (brain cells) viruses and the like. i watched the habs lose an important game last night. koivu got winged and was BLEEDING FROM HIS EYE. BLEEDING FROM HIS EYE. this can't be good. bitch is gonna be out for the playoffs, i just know it. jill sad.

two going-away parties this weekend which fall on the same night. i will attend both. at one of them, i get to hang around weird university people who are so awkward it becomes cringeworthy. "so are you still working at the same place?" "where are you living now?" "whose dick is that?" and the like. i hate small talk. oh, and a bunch of them are ENGAGED. one announced her engagement by charmingly stating "hey, we all gotta grow up sometime, right?" jill smash. jill mad. like marriage has ANYTHING to do with growing up. stupid fat slut.

trivia started again and it makes me happy. it makes me happy that my super-team blows every other smug bastard away each and every week we go. little do they know that i have yet to really contribute, (or maybe they do and they keep me around for my impeccable penmanship....) at any rate, i'm happy my beery tuesdays are back... i

i'm out.

what rhymes with gerbil...?

verbal. herbal. no. no hilarity potential there. the expanding discolored mole on my back is funnier than that shit. ha. cancer. i need a new schtick. i've long since run out of mileage on squirrel.

my brother has a pig. he purchased a miniature pot-bellied pig from some scheister farmer in the states. i say scheister cuz i think he just bought a plain ol' pig. the thing has doubled in size every time i see him.
<----------this is jamal. this pigger's got an attitude. don't fuck with him. this is jamal when he was a baby. he's a teenager now. he's stealing cars and listening to heavy metal devil-worshipping music. he's also sassing and cutting classes to smoke marijuana cigarettes. Before you know it, he'll be in the slammer with a tear drop tattoo.

a weekend of southpark, SILENT HILL (totes don't bother), drinking tequila with random strangers, enduring the drake on a saturday night, a too-crowded, anxiety-inducing country day at graffitis, and spring cleaning has left me hazy, lazy, unhealthy, unproductive, but happy. i'm probably just still drunk.

i'm out.

my first totally awesome blog

i've been addicted to celebrity gossip blogs. not cuz i give a damn about lindsay lohan or paris hilton, but because they're effing hilarious. i mean, c'mon. naming tomkat's kid 'blorlok the pretty' is genius. i'm gonna talk about smallville. and america's next top model. and probably some other randomness. snakes on a planes? trivia. horror movies? chess. giant squids and colossus squids. old school nintendo games. fish with hands. yeah. all the stuff i feel nerdster bringing up in social situations.

smallville: one of the best episodes of the season last night. but SOOOOO cheese. chloe is all of a sudden a phone phreaker and computer hacker extraordinaire lol roffel lmao brb. but lionel totes found out about clarke for sure. that episode merited TWO bottles of delicious jackson triggs. i remember not the family guy that followed.

worky worky time. lates.