so far...

CANADA'S NEXT TOP MODEL SUCKS THE BAG. this show had so much potential. yet, they chose a bunch of stupid sluts, and seems to be on a smaller budget than 'the littlest hobo'. ha ha. okay. i'll give it another week, then i'm gonna karate kick my television in the neck.

man, this show is awkward and boring. like canada.

i just heard one whore say same something radical, though
"i'm bigger than newmarket..."
LOLZ. nice

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!

so i was real late for trivia tonight. my (second) fav episode of star trek: tng was on. THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!! you know, the one where the cardacians (sp?) kidnap and torture picard. it got me thinking that this is one of the best tv shows of all time. but only under SIRTain SIRcumstances hahah i am so funny.
the show must be centered on the stories of the following three awesomology characters:

CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD: who cares that he has a french name and an english accent?? this dude is the shiz, yo. apart from being the sexiest bald dude ever, every episode that focuses on him (which are few and far between) is totes awes. he has to endure the most crazy shit: becoming a borg (loceutis...sp?) having to deal with q, who is strangely fascinated with him (understandably), and any plot that has him reliving his lost youth/loves. mmmm...loves a man in uniform, yo.



Q. just...Q.

awesome awesome awesome. every single show with this omnipitent slut in it is epic and holy shit television. i don't really need to say much more, than this bitch can stop time, turn beverly crusher into a barking dog, and randomly cause the end of time as we know it. HOTTTT.






AAAAAAAAAAAAND, bringing up the rear is lieutenant barkley. also awesomeness. does anyone know that this is murdoch from a-team? he's pretty much (aside from the preceding two) the best actor on this show. and he made it sooo much better. he was brought in when they started producing crazy big-budget cliffhanger episodes...you know, the two-parters that they really couldn't afford and caused the eventual demise of roddenbury himself. yeah i made that up. barkley ruled and every episode he was in rawked so much.




every other character pretty much sucks, and i consider a supporting cast. gawd, data we know you wanna be human boring slut. and i hate those motherfucking holideck episodes where they go back to "our time" and solve sherlock holmes episodes. and rykker...don't even get me started.

i'm out. i found it important to justify why i was late for trivia (we won by the way...four weeks in a row....)

PBF FOREVER

go to this website. lolz rotflcopter


wazoooo

something you didn't know, but really should...

011100110110000101101110011001000111011101101000011010010110001101101000 is 'SANDWICH' in binary.

i'll leave you with that, rummies.

i
flew
too
close
to
the
sun.




yet again, i had a better weekend than you. but i found out someone had been ripping off my A-material yet again......WTF?!?
i think everyone should have a few stories up their sleeves to wow everyone with. of course they have to be true, but you should hone them and become a fucking master of your story...adding suspense and intrigue at the right times with your voice intonations and by perfecting your impersonations of others who appear in your story. i have two of these. (probably more, but two rather excellent ones.)

i'll tell you one now.

when i was 16, i did acid for the first (and only) time in my life. i thought it'd be a radical idea to do it during our school trip to see "joseph and the technicolor raincoat". i am so fucking ridiculously smart, eh? anyways, long story short (i ain't none too good at telling my awesome story on the interweb...) i had an aisle seat. and at one point during the play, a bunch of children are supposed to run down the middle of the aisle and up onto the stage.

yeah. i ran with them. i thought i was supposed to. i end up on stage, with some strange looks from the regular cast, and realized something was horribly, horribly wrong. so i hid behind a curtain whilst my acid was peaking..for the rest of the play.

YEAH, bloody good story, right? my friend *S* says to me last week, "OMG LOLZ, DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO *C* WHEN SHE WAS 16?????"

rage. BLORLAK SMASHHHH. get yer own damn stories, potsy.

totes zods

so remember superman II? with the three zods? they're totally zodding it up on smallville right now, and SOOO much better than uh, general...zod ? could have ever done.

this zod is a terminator 3 metal god zod that has knives for hands n' shit. sweet. all you naysayers ... you know who you are...the people that fail to call me back after i tell you i'm watching smallville? the people who laugh uncomfortably and way "uh, i gotta go over there" and then stand approximately seven feet away from me poste haste??? i'll show you. I'LL SHOW EVERYONE. this series is the best. ever.

it's funny. i think the reason i like it so much is because i could write the whole damn thing. with ease. i know what's coming up in the plot.

leads me to believe. i like what's easy.

edited to add: no more drunk blogging. i guess this is a lesson all you pros learned awhile ago, eh?

zinc lozenges

<---------- this made my day. i found this scrawled on a library book. can you not picture the bored, frustrated hoser who's been trying to perfect his rendition of the metallica logo? awesomeology. rock on brother. you're THIIIS close! i'm hiding right now. i'm pretending i'm on a serious call. there's a baby in the office. you know that seinfeld episode 'YOU GOTTA SEE THE BAAAAAABYYYY..' we got an office like that. i got called 'wretched' by the boss's wife because of my less than maternal instinct towards children. i will eat your children for that. oh wait...

oh, and the happy birthday thing the day of awkward small talk and cake eating and the boss asking 'what's the most important thing you've learned in your last year of life?' well, boss, i'd have to say i've learned that it's important to crush the roofies thouroughly before slipping them into drinks. that, or just use chloroform the old fashion way. a girl's got NEEDS, yo.

they want to organize a company summer outing. it will probably be something involving the wearing of shorts. shudder. my colleague (ha!) suggested paintball and i think that is rad. i think we should do it in regent park whilst drinking jack daniels from paper bags. whilst yelling racial slurs. may the best man win.

lates

somewhere north of awesome.

i had a better weekend than you.
a 9 out of 10.

more later. head hurts.

motherfuckin' squids

scary. look at the guy they just found. it's kinda gross, and he's kinda dead, but you get the idea. this is the collosal squid. at least 10 metres longer than his cuz the giant squid. and apparently more aggressive. they've found dead sperm whales washed ashore that have been mauled by this badass. AAAAAND, the kicker. they hang out close to the water's surface (unlike giant squids) in the antarctica. AAAAAAAAAAND the melting of the polar ice caps is moving them south. no more kayaking in lake ontario kiddies. (i may or may not have made that last part up. whatevs.)

then there's this little god contradictor. atta boy. fish with hands. anti-darwinists who challenge his theories based on the supposed 'missing link' are barking up the wrong tree with the sasquatch/yeti idea. FISH WITH HANDS! FISH WITH HANDS! they caught this guy in paraguay, and it's called a knifenose chimera. so these fisherwhores catch it, set it on the ground and it decides it doesn't like being caught, gets up and walks back into the water. ahahahhaha lol lol lol lol. take that, popa benedictzao.

smallville. i don't remember much of it from last night, but i know it musta been good enough to merit two bottles of delicious red wine. i think that clarke found out about lex n' lana, and then had to save lex's life or something. AWKWARD. chloe didn't hack into the department of national defence to see if iraq had weapons of mass destruction, so i was a little dissappointed with that.

still sick.

beer

i'm sick. when i get sick, i sleep a lot and drink a lot of beer. it seems to work. i think it's been scientifically proven that there's something in beer that kills (brain cells) viruses and the like. i watched the habs lose an important game last night. koivu got winged and was BLEEDING FROM HIS EYE. BLEEDING FROM HIS EYE. this can't be good. bitch is gonna be out for the playoffs, i just know it. jill sad.

two going-away parties this weekend which fall on the same night. i will attend both. at one of them, i get to hang around weird university people who are so awkward it becomes cringeworthy. "so are you still working at the same place?" "where are you living now?" "whose dick is that?" and the like. i hate small talk. oh, and a bunch of them are ENGAGED. one announced her engagement by charmingly stating "hey, we all gotta grow up sometime, right?" jill smash. jill mad. like marriage has ANYTHING to do with growing up. stupid fat slut.

trivia started again and it makes me happy. it makes me happy that my super-team blows every other smug bastard away each and every week we go. little do they know that i have yet to really contribute, (or maybe they do and they keep me around for my impeccable penmanship....) at any rate, i'm happy my beery tuesdays are back... i

i'm out.

what rhymes with gerbil...?

verbal. herbal. no. no hilarity potential there. the expanding discolored mole on my back is funnier than that shit. ha. cancer. i need a new schtick. i've long since run out of mileage on squirrel.

my brother has a pig. he purchased a miniature pot-bellied pig from some scheister farmer in the states. i say scheister cuz i think he just bought a plain ol' pig. the thing has doubled in size every time i see him.
<----------this is jamal. this pigger's got an attitude. don't fuck with him. this is jamal when he was a baby. he's a teenager now. he's stealing cars and listening to heavy metal devil-worshipping music. he's also sassing and cutting classes to smoke marijuana cigarettes. Before you know it, he'll be in the slammer with a tear drop tattoo.

a weekend of southpark, SILENT HILL (totes don't bother), drinking tequila with random strangers, enduring the drake on a saturday night, a too-crowded, anxiety-inducing country day at graffitis, and spring cleaning has left me hazy, lazy, unhealthy, unproductive, but happy. i'm probably just still drunk.

i'm out.

my first totally awesome blog

i've been addicted to celebrity gossip blogs. not cuz i give a damn about lindsay lohan or paris hilton, but because they're effing hilarious. i mean, c'mon. naming tomkat's kid 'blorlok the pretty' is genius. i'm gonna talk about smallville. and america's next top model. and probably some other randomness. snakes on a planes? trivia. horror movies? chess. giant squids and colossus squids. old school nintendo games. fish with hands. yeah. all the stuff i feel nerdster bringing up in social situations.

smallville: one of the best episodes of the season last night. but SOOOOO cheese. chloe is all of a sudden a phone phreaker and computer hacker extraordinaire lol roffel lmao brb. but lionel totes found out about clarke for sure. that episode merited TWO bottles of delicious jackson triggs. i remember not the family guy that followed.

worky worky time. lates.